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We can see ourselves in others because we could have been in their place. KEY POINTS We have defied incalculable odds to merely exist. Why our consciousness is in our respective bodies is a mystery, but it is not a choice we made. Our lives are profoundly affected by countless variables that are totally beyond our control, such as when and where we were born. We can use this idea to help us see ourselves in others so that we may connect with them better to our mutual benefit. There's a fun song from the 1980s by The Cure entitled, "Why Can't I Be You?" that has the question as part of the chorus. As far as I can tell, the song is about being head over heels in love with someone, perhaps so much so that we lose ourselves in them. I don't know that lead singer and lyricist Robert Smith intended the song title to be an existential question rather than just a catchy, enjoyable pop song about obsessive love. However, when we consider the question more deeply, there's a lot to unpack. The answer to "Why can't I be you?" connects us with one another in profound ways. We Won the Greatest Lottery Ever By some great cosmic miracle that we can never really fathom, we come to exist. If we consider all the chance events that had to happen for us to be living and breathing on the big blue marble that we call Earth, it boggles the mind. The odds against our existence are incalculable. There had to be a Big Bang and from this, one particular galaxy, the Milky Way, had to form just right out of the two trillion galaxies in our Universe. Then, our solar system had to form in a certain way, with the Earth in just the right orbit for the conditions necessary for life to evolve, a meteor to hit the Earth to wipe out the dinosaurs, and so on. Even if we just focus on us as human beings, we would have to trace an unbroken ancestral chain hundreds of thousands of years, or perhaps even millions, for each of us to be here right now. Everywhere along this chain, the right sperm had to meet the right egg, our ancestors had to avoid dying to pass on their genes, and innumerable obstacles had to be avoided or overcome (e.g., ice ages, famine, disease, war, saber-toothed tigers). Plus, a series of improbable chance events had to line up perfectly so that, for instance, your great-great grandmother bumped into your great-great grandfather at the country store, and so on. Take a moment and consider all of the people who  could have existed  but never got the chance. It's as if we have won the greatest lottery ever just to be alive. We should express gratitude for our fortune more often than we do . How Are We Ourselves? Our existence is based upon innumerable chance events and gratuitous luck. We are fortunate to exist, and each one of us is unique. No two people in the history of the world have been or could be exactly the same—even  identical twins . Then again, since everyone is unique, this means that none of us is uniquely unique. As we ponder these questions and improbabilities, we come back to Robert Smith's question: Why can't I be you? Why am I me and you, you? Probably the best answer one can offer is that a unique combination of genes resulted in your consciousness being in your body and not someone else's. We can also say that none of us did anything for our consciousness to be in our particular body. While we have some form of  free will , none of us exercised our   free will  to place our consciousness into our respective biological vessels. This miracle happened totally beyond our control or volition. The fact that we did not get to choose which body our consciousness inhabits has far-ranging implications. Think about the many variables that profoundly affect our lives over which we had no control or influence: We did not get to choose our genes or genetic heritage, race, biological  sex ,  ethnicity , our parents, the socioeconomic status into which we were born, nor when and where we were born. We also do not get to choose whether we suffer from diseases, afflictions, accidents, and abuses. If you think the world is bad now, even a cursory investigation shows how absolutely brutal life was throughout the history of humanity. We should all celebrate the fact that we were not born as peasants in Medieval Europe during the Black Death. A Case for Interconnectedness We can see that, were it not for countless variables beyond our control lining up in a specific way, we might be someone else (i.e., our consciousness in a different body). Therefore, instead of looking at others as separate from ourselves,   we can see ourselves in them .   This way of viewing the self and others bridges the divide between us and them. It allows us to  loosen the grip of the ego  upon us. It enables us to be more compassionate toward others, especially those who are less fortunate than ourselves. Indeed, this way of thinking is the inspiration for the expression, "There but for the grace of God go I." Not only are we connected deeply with one another, if we continue to follow this nondualist line of thinking, we are deeply, profoundly, and inextricably linked with one another  and  everything. We are made from the stuff of stars, and the universe is within us. Buddhist monk and teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, called this " interbeing ." From the perspective of interbeing,  I am you and you are me.  The more we can remember our inherent oneness, the more we will realize that obsessing over our different teams, parties, and tribes creates a separateness that is illusory and destructive. Because we are all connected, like parts of one body, we cannot attack one another without ultimately causing mutual suffering. Imagine that we force our right and left arms to attack one another. There is no way that one arm can defeat the other without us suffering. We must remember that a house divided against itself cannot stand. The Takeaway Our growth and flourishing depend upon our interconnectedness. When we are better able to see ourselves in others, we will all benefit from greater levels of compassion and  cooperation . Given our increasing levels of divisiveness and toxic polarization within America and around the globe, finding more unity and oneness is sorely needed. Internalizing the truth of our interconnectedness and oneness can liberate us from the hatred and vitriol that divide us. Disclaimer: I don't claim that what I say is totally "true" because the  truth is elusive  in this complicated world. Rather, I'm offering some ideas to help us perceive the world, others, and ourselves in a manner that opens pathways for change and growth.

We need to have agency, or at least to believe that we have it, to be happy.   KEY POINTS It is beneficial to believe that we have free will. Instead of viewing free will as a binary concept, embracing its fluidity offers greater opportunities for growth. Thinking about free will more flexibly allows greater opportunities for growth and change. Disclaimer: I don't claim that what I say is totally "true" because the  truth is elusive  in this complicated world. Rather, I'm offering some ideas to help us perceive the world, others, and ourselves in a manner that opens pathways for change and growth. In my previous post, I addressed the age-old question:  Do we have free will?  Of course, I don't have a definitive answer to a question that philosophers, theologians, and scientists have debated for centuries, but here's a quick summary: ·  Some arguments about whether and how much   free will   we possess stem from different definitions of this hypothetical construct. ·  Although we don't have free will in an absolute sense at all times, it is critically important to our  happiness   and well-being to believe that we have it. ·  The more we believe that we have free will, the more likely that we can exercise it to our advantage. The Both/And Of Free Will Within a dualistic way of thinking, life works in dichotomies of black or white, good or evil, conservative or liberal, nature or nurture, right or wrong, and we either have free will or we don't. Within a nondualist way of thinking, there is room for many shades of grey (more than 50!). As I have proposed in a number of my blogs, there are very few absolutes in life. Adopting a flexible approach allows room for growth and improvement, which is  a   purpose of life . A rigid, dichotomous view of free will (that we have it at all times or we don't), ironically, rigidly viewing free will as an all-or-nothing concept can be limiting. Likewise, becoming  overly attached  to the concept of free will can contribute to increased suffering. I can't claim that I'm "right" about free will because even that falls into a dualist trap. However, perhaps a useful way of thinking about free will is along a continuum. In some situations, we have more free will than we can exercise, and in some situations, less. We need to internalize a sense of free will while, at the same time, acknowledging that it is not absolute. Free will is bounded by some constraints, and we have more or less free will to exercise depending upon the specific circumstances and variables. Our upbringing,  genetics , the time and place we were born, and  so many other variables strongly affect  the way we think, feel, and behave. From this perspective, the light of free will is more like a dimmer switch in a room than an on/off switch. We don't get to pick within which room we are placed (e.g., where and when we are born), but we can learn to adjust the dimmer to our liking within that room. In America, the importance of free will, autonomy, liberty, and self-determination is baked into our DNA. That's why Patrick Henry proclaimed, "Give me liberty or give me death!" at the Second Virginia Convention in 1775. Given America's roots and founding doctrines, it is understandable why so many Americans bristled at  COVID-19 lockdowns and mask mandates . However, more collectivist countries and cultures, like Japan and China, aren't as focused on liberty and free will as we are in America. Such cultural differences serve as evidence that numerous variables affect our very concept of free will as well as how we are able to exercise it. Using our free will to adopt both/and views of free will allows us the flexibility to navigate the various challenges of life more skillfully. When our options are limited, we can learn to exercise our free will to change our views and responses to our constraining circumstances and suffering (e.g., Tim Robbins' character, Andy, in  The Shawshank Redemption ). That said, there are many people who suffer through no fault or choice of their own and need compassion, understanding, and support to make it through some of the challenges of life. They might require some help along the way, as we all do at times, in order to be in a position to exercise their free will more effectively in the future. After all, it would be impossible to exercise our free will to swim in whichever direction we desired if we were drowning because we were weighed down. Even after receiving our help and support, the recipients need to internalize a sense of free will and agency in order to pursue happiness in the long term. When we assist others  too  much, it can undermine their psychological needs for competence and autonomy. From this perspective, as dependency increases, free will decreases. When do we step back to allow others space, and when do we step in to help? Once again, this is where adopting a more fluid, both/and approach to free will can help us to more skillfully navigate the nuances of life to find the "right" balance. How To Get More Free Will Given that free will is so critical to our happiness and well-being, wouldn't having more of it be better? Viewing free will as more fluid rather than all-or-none means that we can exercise it to achieve greater free will. Let's start with examining how we derive our free will. When we say we are exercising free will, we mean that we are making a conscious, deliberate choice that is free from external or internal constraints. That said, it stands to reason that the more conscious or aware we are, the more free will we have. After all, when we are  sleeping  ( lucid dreaming  aside) or  unconscious , we cannot exercise our free will. In states of fatigue, intoxication, distraction, or intense emotions, our ability to exercise free will diminishes as our presence of mind wanes. For instance, we've all had experiences in which we had to  apologize  for something we did or said with an excuse such as, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I don't know why I did that. I just wasn't thinking." What do we mean when we say such things? We mean that we weren't truly aware or present in the particular moment in which we acted. Our free will is also compromised by a  myriad of cognitive biases . For instance, although we like to think of ourselves as rational creatures who form our opinions and decisions after carefully weighing the evidence,  our tribalism often trumps truth . That is, we unconsciously distort reality due to an ingroup (or myside)  bias  in order to maintain tribal allegiance and cohesion. The more we are aware of the various biases and other factors that can influence our  decision-making  (i.e., how we exercise our free will), the less likely that these will affect us. How Do We Increase Our Awareness Or Consciousness? The more conscious and present we are, the more likely we will be to act in ways that reflect our "true" selves. In this sense, to acquire more free will, we need to increase our awareness or conscious presence. How do we do that? Probably our best bet here is to begin some form of  mindfulness  practice. A pioneer in bringing  mindfulness  to a Western audience,  Jon Kabat-Zinn  defines mindfulness as "...awareness that arises through paying  attention , on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally." Mindfulness helps us be more present in the here-and-now, and, arguably,  this consciousness is where free will resides .

While there's a history of debate about free will, we need to believe in it.   KEY POINTS The idea whether we truly have free will has been debated by philosophers, theologians, and scientists for centuries. An extreme view of free will, that we either have it completely or not at all, is problematic. While there is debate about the extent of our free will, there is greater consensus that believing that we have free will is beneficial. Disclaimer: I don't claim that what I say is totally "true," because the  truth is elusive in this complicated world . Rather, I'm offering some ideas to help us perceive the world, others, and ourselves in a manner that opens pathways for change and growth. There's an old psychologist joke that I love for reasons relevant to the topic of  free will . Apologies if this joke is familiar to you already : How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One...but it has to want to change. I'm biased, but I happen to think it's a great joke because it reveals a deep, fundamental truth in a playful way. As a psychologist who works with people who are seeking change, I  must  believe in some form of free will. That is, through conscious, deliberate efforts, we can change our lives as we desire. This is in line with the Oxford Dictionary's definition of free will as  the power of acting without the constraint of necessity or fate; the ability to act at one's own discretion. That said, any discussion of free will can quickly become quite complicated. After all, there is a reason that philosophers, theologians, and scientists have argued for centuries about whether we have free will or our lives are determined in some way (i.e., free will vs. determinism). I don't have the audacity to believe that I can answer this question but, as we shall see,  how  we think about free will is critically important  to our use of it . You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose freewill. –From the song, "Freewill" by Rush What Do We Mean by "Free Will"? When we are seeking an answer to difficult questions in life, it's critical that we first define our terms. For example, if we were to discuss whether animals have emotions, we would have to agree with the definition of " emotion " on the front end. We open a can of worms when we try to define "free will" since it is a hypothetical construct whose meaning is inherently nuanced and debatable. Thus, we might disagree with others about whether we truly have free will merely because we are defining it differently. Even if we agree upon the Oxford Dictionary definition, there is still much room for interpretation. While most of us probably agree that we have some form of free will, it would be difficult to defend a view that free will means "We are absolutely free to choose how we think, feel, and act at any moment in time no matter what." Consider the following factors that would greatly affect how we could exercise our free will to choose our thoughts, feelings, and actions: ·  We don't choose our genes, and those play a substantial role in our physical and psychological characteristics (e.g.,  intelligence has a large genetic component ). ·  We don't get to choose who our parents or family members are, whether we were born into wealth or poverty or with a genetic condition, etc. ·  We don't get to choose when and where we are born (e.g., our lives would be vastly different if we were born as peasants in Medieval Europe during the Black Death). ·  Disabilities, conditions, diseases, and characteristics can hinder or prevent someone from pursuing or succeeding in certain careers and endeavors (e.g., As per Federal Aviation Regulations, one cannot become a commercial airline pilot if legally blind). ·  We are not free to be unaffected by  traumatic   events or tragedies (e.g., war veterans suffering from posttraumatic  stress  disorder, we experience the death of a loved one). ·  Our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are altered when we are ill, drunk, tired, thirsty, hungry, etc. ·  We cannot totally suppress reflexive responses (e.g., one cannot suppress a startle reflex to an unexpected jump-scare). ·  We engage in many habits, healthy and unhealthy, with little to no conscious deliberation. ·  If I tell you not to think of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, you will think of him whether you want to or not...and you just did. While some may argue or debate many of the examples listed above, most people are likely to agree that there are  some  limitations and constraints to how we are able to exercise our free will. The Problem With Extreme Views of Having, or Not Having, Free Will A belief in an extreme or absolute version of free will can be problematic in that it can lead one to disproportionately blame (or credit) others for one’s life circumstances and outcomes: "He chose not to get an   education  or work hard, and that's why he's living in poverty. It's his own fault." This can lead to victim- shaming  as well as a lack of empathy, compassion, and support for people who are struggling. Conversely, those who become "successful" might misattribute the bulk of their success to their own efforts rather than acknowledging the many factors (e.g., intact family,  genetics , supportive and involved family, highly educated parents, financial resources, good school/teachers/mentors, living in a democracy, luck) that contributed to their success story. While an absolutist view of free will might be untenable and problematic, a deterministic view, that we lack free will, might create even greater problems. Those who don't believe that they can exercise free will to make meaningful changes in their lives might internalize a "victim" or helpless mentality. They might point to their race,  gender ,  ethnicity , socioeconomic status, age, appearance, upbringing, circumstances, bad luck, and so on and say things like, "I can't be successful because of _____. Other people get the lucky breaks, and I just have to accept my lot in life." In effect, they have given away their power to make changes because they believe change and growth are inherently outside of their control. It's Good for Us to Believe That We Have Free Will How much free will we have is open to debate, but there seems to be a greater consensus that believing that we have some form of free will is beneficial. According to  self-determination theory , we have intrinsic psychological needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness that motivate our behavior. Having a sense of agency, that we can exercise our free will to produce desired outcomes, is deeply important to us. Indeed, researchers have found that believing we have free will is associated with a host of  positive outcomes  (e.g., greater life satisfaction, a sense of meaning in life, lower stress, more satisfying relationships, better  academic performance , better  job performance ). Conversely, feeling like we are helpless, that we don't have power to make changes, contributes to  depression  (e.g.,  learned helplessness ). The Takeaway? What we mean by having "free will" and how much we have of it is still open to debate. While free will is not an absolute, we can make remarkable changes and improvements when we exercise our free will toward desired  goals . Moreover, a  belief  that we have free will increases the likelihood that we exercise it in the pursuit of change, growth, and  happiness . Since there is no consensus on what the "right" answer is regarding free will, and we know that it is beneficial for us to believe that we have it, how about we use our free will to choose that belief, as advocated in the Rush song? There are more ways to use the idea of free will to our advantage, and I hope you will join me for my next post in which I cover this.

Whoever you think you are, you are wrong. Here's why this is a good thing. KEY POINTS The quest to increase our self-knowledge is important, but we will never truly know ourselves. We can describe ourselves, but this is merely information about us rather than who we truly are. As human beings, we are constantly changing. Who we are is never static. We have all probably heard the ancient Greek aphorism "know thyself." On the surface, this seems like sage advice to follow. However, upon closer inspection, this advice becomes confusing and, potentially, detrimental. Let's examine this idea more closely to see why we don't want to become too attached to the idea that we can truly know ourselves. In fact, we can find a certain freedom in embracing the idea that we can never truly know who we are. Who Are You? Let's imagine we met for the first time, and I asked you, "Who are you?" What would you say? Most likely, you would tell me  about  yourself. You might say something like, "Well, my name is Stacey Taylor. I'm 38. I've been married to my college sweetheart, John, for 14 years. We have two kids, Avery and Joshua. We live in north Austin. I work in the   advertising  industry. I like cooking, camping, pickleball, and reading historical fiction. Um, let me see ... what else would you like to know about me?" All these details are about Stacey, but they are not  Stacey . In fact, Stacey could spend hours telling us about herself, but she would only be providing information. Stacey could write a 1,000-page autobiography, but this would still just be a book about herself. It would not be Stacey. Accomplishments from our past, our race,  gender , age,  ethnicity , occupation, roles,  personality  traits and tendencies, and so on are descriptions of us, but they are not us. Now, we might rightly argue that these can be important parts of who we are. However, these important parts of who we are still are not who we are. Why We Are Not Who We Think As we reflect upon who we are, we might consider past behaviors to describe ourselves.   However, our past behaviors can't be who we are because, well, they are in the past. We only exist in the present. Even if we were to examine our past behaviors to describe who we really are, we exhibit many different behaviors over time. Sometimes we are generous, sometimes we are selfish. Sometimes we are playful, sometimes we are serious. Sometimes we are helping the homeless, and sometimes we are playing Wordle.   Moreover, even as we attempt to describe ourselves by recalling our past, our recollections are flawed and filtered through numerous biases . Likewise, our feelings can't be who we are because they change as well. Feelings such as  anger , sadness,  happiness , frustration, pride, hunger, thirst, nausea, etc., are all transitory. Yet we are still here after such feelings move through us. In a similar way, waves move across the ocean's surface, but they are not the ocean itself. Even the importance of our race, age, gender, and ethnicity changes depending upon with whom we are around, our state of mind, or whether we are by ourselves. These identities are descriptive thoughts about who we are, and these thoughts in our head are changing constantly. For instance, one minute, I might be thinking of myself as a psychologist, another as a husband, another as a dad, another as a friend, another as a male, another as a geek, and so on. Then what happens when I'm thinking about a grilled cheese sandwich? Am I now a grilled cheese sandwich? Don't Get Too Attached to Your Thoughts About Yourself To cite some other  wisdom  courtesy of ancient Greece to counter the aphorism of "know thyself," Greek philosopher Heraclitus conveys some profound wisdom about who we are:  "No man ever steps in the same river twice. For it's not the same river, and he's not the same man." Imagine that you are describing the Colorado River. No matter how flowery, poetic, and detailed your prose is, it is still not the Colorado River. If a picture is worth a thousand words, it stands to reason that there is no way that thoughts about who we are can actually capture who we are. We are human  beings  and, as such, we are in motion and constantly changing. We can never be the thoughts we have about ourselves because the thought (e.g.,  I am _____)  is static, and we are dynamic. As Heraclitus describes, we are like the river—always flowing, always changing. Similar wisdom about our true nature can be found in other sources. For instance, in the Tao Te Ching by Lau Tzu, he begins:  "The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The Name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnameable is the eternally real." Thus, in his book about the Tao, Lau Tzu openly acknowledges that the true Tao cannot be captured in words. It is beyond words. Similarly, ninth-century Buddhist sage Lin Chi famously advised another monk, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." In essence, he was saying that the Buddha cannot capture or represent Buddhism. Buddhism is much more vast and cannot be ascribed or attributed to one person. In this way, the Buddha was merely a finger pointing to the moon. He was not the moon. Who Are We, Really? I am not claiming to have the answer to a question that philosophers, psychologists, and theologians have pondered and debated for centuries. Given that there is no "right" answer to this deep question, I am merely offering a way of thinking about ourselves that might be useful. One way of thinking about who we are is that we are the consciousness that is asking the question of who we are. We are the conscious awareness that only exists in this present moment. Thus, we can never answer the question of who we are because we will always be the consciousness who is experiencing life in this present moment. In this present moment, you are the consciousness engaging with words on a screen. If you find this helpful, we can channel some nondualism as we ponder who we are. In this way, as we reflect upon who we are, we can take a both/and rather than an either/or approach. It can indeed be helpful to describe aspects of ourselves to help us  form an identity, to have a sense of self or ego . This ego might consist of thoughts about our age, ethnicity, gender, values, political beliefs, hobbies, personality traits, and so on. Even as we do this, we can know that we are unknowable. We are, in a way, infinite, spacious, timeless. We are beyond words, beyond thought. We are the moon. No self to know self. How Can the Way We Think About Who We Are Help Us? "The world is maintained by change—in the elements and in the things they compose." —Marcus Aurelius,  Meditations As I have described in a previous post,  a purpose of life  is growth and change. How we think about who we are can either help us fulfill this life's purpose of growth and change, or it can stifle us. When we think of ourselves in ways that are fixed or static, it can hinder our growth. On the other hand, thinking of ourselves  more flexibly , like  flowing water , provides the room for the growth and change that is congruent with the nature of the universe.   It's acceptable to have ideas about who we are, but we should not cling to them tightly.  If we want to "be the change we wish to see in the world," we should embrace who we are as change.

We have an ego for a reason, but it can create a lot of suffering, too. KEY POINTS We have an ego, or a sense of self, for a reason. Our ego is rooted in our evolutionary heritage and helps us to survive and thrive in the world. When our ego becomes overly attached, it can result in suffering on both the individual and societal level. With a greater understanding of how the ego works and how it can cause suffering, we can work to keep it in check. "I can't believe the news today. I can't close my eyes and make it go away." — U2, from the song,   "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" As President Vladimir Putin sends Russian troops into Ukraine to take over a sovereign, democratic nation, we are left wondering: Why? What is this all really for? Putin may confabulate a list of reasons why this  aggression  is justified, including claims that Ukrainian territory rightfully belongs to Russia, that its citizens need to be liberated, that he doesn't want them to join NATO, and so on. However, it's also possible that this military action is driven less by geopolitical issues and more by his ego. The lust for power, dominance, control, praise, glory, worship,  attention , esteem, and so on are all ways in which the ego can cause harm. Such  lusts have shaped history : Wars have been waged, peoples oppressed, and countless millions have suffered and died because of rulers' egos. "Better the pride that resides in a citizen of the world than the pride that divides when a colorful rag is unfurled." — "Territories," Rush While Putin's ego might be contributing to this unwarranted assault on a sovereign nation, we have only to look into the mirror to see that there is some egoic madness in each of us as well. Thus, it is critical that we learn more about the ego. Through a greater understanding of how it operates we can liberate ourselves from its tyranny and reduce the suffering it can cause. I cover this topic in  this podcast episode  of The Reasonably Good Life. What Is The Ego? We can consider the ego as the "I" or our sense of self, and so we all have an ego because we all have a sense of self. The ego is not inherently bad. We need a coherent sense of self to differentiate ourselves from others and have a sense of agency. This allows us to meet our basic physiological needs, develop  goals , and pursue  dreams .  I know that I exist, who I am, and what is important to me. I know which family, team, and political party is mine. I know who are my friends, rivals, and enemies. I know which possessions are mine. I have values and rights that I cherish dearly and will fight to protect. Our egos emerge from our evolutionary heritage as a feature of our complex brains. In this way, egos would not have evolved if they didn't serve the evolutionary purpose to help us survive and thrive. After all, it could cause a lot of problems if I couldn't differentiate myself from you: Imagine that when I felt hungry, I tried to put food in  your  mouth. Our ego also allows us to do mental time travel and perform hypothesis-testing.  I need to go to the store and grab some groceries so that I can make dinner. What should I get? I should text my wife to see what she wants. She really likes it when I check with her first. I'd better hurry, or I'm going to run into traffic. The Ego And Suffering Unconsciously, our ego reaches out its tendrils to intertwine with countless thought-forms. As we become overly attached, our sense of self becomes enmeshed with these mental positions and various identifications. When we perceive that the object of our  attachment  is threatened in some way, our fight-flight-or-freeze survival mechanism is activated to protect us existentially. The  over-attachment  makes it so the attack on the object of our attachments is, by proxy,  an attack on us that must be defended . This puts us in a vulnerable position because our ego can be threatened across many fronts. The more strongly our ego is attached to these assorted thought forms, the more vulnerable we are to  suffering . For instance, if you identify strongly as a Democrat or Republican, and your party or candidate is criticized by the other side, you may get upset, become defensive, and then go on the attack. "Oh, yeah? You say that President Biden sucks? Well, let me just tell you how  Donald Trump   was the worst president in American history!" Anytime we become consumed with being viewed as the greatest, the best, or superior to others, that is our ego at work. On the flipside, when we feel "less than" or inferior to others, this is our ego as well. Some of this social comparison is normal and can even be healthy, but when it becomes obsessive or distorted, we (and others) are likely to suffer. On a related note, our obsessive need to be "right" and prove that others are "wrong" can cause suffering in us and others. Many people would rather die than  apologize  for being wrong just to protect their ego. Similarly, we will often fight tooth and nail to defend our pride or honor. Our ego can blind us to what is right and good as it distorts reality to serve its needs. "I'm so full of right, I can't see what is good." — "The Color of Right," Rush The mere thought of losing anything with which we identify can create an existential threat to our ego. That is, we actually haven't suffered from a loss of anything,  but imagining we could lose something to which our egos have attached causes us to  suffer as if that feared event had happened .  For example, we suffer when we imagine that someone  might  take away our freedom. Blame It On Ego Think of an argument that you have had with your partner, parent, child, or close friend. How many times has your argument escalated over an inconsequential matter into something that could have been, in retrospect, easily avoided or resolved? We notice that we have become "defensive," but defensive of what, exactly? After all, they aren't physically assaulting us. When we become defensive, we are defending our ego. Perhaps we might even say that our ego has hijacked our consciousness and is defending itself. It is as if we've become possessed by some entity. We want to be  right  and ensure that they know they are  wrong . In such instances, our ego has attached itself to us being "right." This allows us to feel superior to them. It is an existential version of our mammalian instinct to establish ourselves atop the social hierarchy. The Takeaway While our ego serves a purpose,   it can cause us and others to suffer unnecessarily when it becomes overly attached. Thus, we should strive to have flexible attachments, which include our ego, so that we can more skillfully adapt to the complexities of the world. We should notice when we become defensive and ask ourselves questions such as,  What exactly am I defending? Do I really need to fight this fight? What would it be like for me to concede, To admit that I'm wrong? To apologize? What is the skillful way to handle this?  When we are able to part the clouds of ego that obscure our vision, we can more clearly see a path ahead that is better for us to follow. "Can I step back from my mind and know the answer to all things?" — Lao Tzu,  The Tao Te Ching

Our attachments can lead to greater happiness or suffering. Here's why. KEY POINTS We need healthy social attachments to survive and thrive. Becoming overly attached is the root of much unnecessary suffering. We need to strive for some flexibility in our attachments because the nature of life is change. We can all probably agree that a  purpose in life  is to be deeply happy. Finding ways to reduce suffering in life is critical since, obviously, it's difficult to be happy when we are suffering (unless one is a masochist). The Buddha identified some truths about suffering more than 2,500 years ago that have stood the test of time (and have been identified by other  wisdom  teachers and religions), but one does not have to be a Buddhist to appreciate these insights. The Four Noble Truths describe suffering while lay the groundwork for how to liberate ourselves from it: 1.   Life is suffering. 2.   The cause of suffering is attachment (sometimes translated as desire or craving). 3.   The end of suffering comes with an end to attachment (or desire or craving). 4.   There is a path that leads one away from craving and suffering (The Noble Eightfold Path). Let's examine this concept of attachment more closely, including through the lens of Western psychology, and see how a better understanding of attachment can help us reduce our suffering. Attachment, Suffering, and Happiness Our attachments are  not  inherently bad for us. In fact, healthy attachments are  necessary  for us to survive and thrive. When our fundamental attachments needs are not met, we will experience  Level 1 Suffering . In contrast, when our attachments become obsessive or shift into cravings, such unhealthy attachments make us vulnerable to  Level 2 Suffering. Evolutionarily, we need certain attachments to be functional human beings. For example, if we were not attached to being physically alive, we would not have survived as a species. In addition, as social creatures, our attachments with one another are fundamental to our survival. In particular, parents and their kids need to be attached to one another in healthy ways. Psychologists  John Bowlby  and Mary Ainsworth pioneered studies of infant attachment to their caregivers. In brief, they found evidence that early attachments between infants and their caregivers could have long-lasting effects, for good or for ill, depending upon the quality and type of attachment. In a series of experiments that could be considered quite cruel, American psychologist Harry Harlow demonstrated how infant rhesus monkeys, when taken from their mothers soon after birth, suffered the equivalent of psychological  trauma  even when their physical needs were met. These unfortunate infant monkeys never developed properly into healthy, functional adults because they suffered tremendously when their social and physical bonding needs were not met. Similarly,  studies of children raised in Romanian orphanages  found long-lasting psychological and behavioral problems because their needs for physical connection and social interaction were not met during crucial developmental periods. We naturally suffer when our healthy social attachments are compromised. When we think of the worst times in our lives, they are likely to include being bullied, harassed, teased, criticized, dumped,  divorced , fired, or rejected, or when a loved one moved or passed away. I describe this type of suffering as  Level 1 Suffering . On the other hand, a wealth of studies and our own experiences tell us that our healthy social connections are highly related to our overall  happiness  and life satisfaction. When we recall our happiest moments, chances are those times were spent in the company of loved ones. Once our basic needs have been met, healthy social relationships are  one of the best predictors of life satisfaction.  The simple equation is  Connectedness = Happiness . Or, if we want to be a little more poetic about it,  Love = Happiness . When Our Attachments Lead to Unnecessary Suffering Problems arise when we become overly attached or obsessively clingy. In social relationships, this is sometimes referred to enmeshment or  co-dependency . However, we can become overly attached to just about anything: our car, status, club, team, hobby, college, country, flag, political party/candidate, religion, cause, personal story, honor, reputation, being right, and so on. We can even become overly attached to freedom, flexibility, and nonattachment. For example, if I get upset with you because you disagree with me about the importance of nonattachment, then I'm too attached to the concept of nonattachment. These attachments reside in our heads, they are mental constructs we unconsciously create. Problems also arise when we become attached to things that are transitory or impermanent. We often forget that life is inherently   changeable. Everything we can think of changes: our bodies, brains, kids, the seasons, our jobs, technology, homes, finances, and so on. Our very existence changes as we come into the world and, ultimately, leave it. Even stars born into this universe eventually die. Thus, we should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are in flux. In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature. According to Buddhist psychology, most of our troubles stem from attachment to things that we mistakenly see as permanent.  –His Holiness the Dalai Lama The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.  –Marcus Aurelius,  Meditations No man ever steps into the same river twice for it is not the same river and he is not the same man.  –Heraclitus Changes aren't permanent, but change is.  –"Tom Sawyer," Rush Attachment Is Counter to Flexibility As discussed above, a purpose in life is to be happy, in the deep-rooted sense. A  related purpose  is to learn, grow, and improve. Doing so engenders greater levels of happiness. However, we cannot learn, grow, and improve  unless we are flexible . Since life is always changing, we must be flexible and adaptively respond to its dynamic complexities. When we become overly attached, we lose flexibility. Our attachments become chains that bind us. The Takeaway We should strive for healthy attachments in life. Becoming overly attached is the root of much unnecessary suffering. Thus, we want our attachments to be loose...supple...pliable. This allows us to adapt to the ever-changing nature of life as well as to live in greater harmony with it. These ideas come from ancient and modern wisdom, science, and, if you reflect deeply, your own experiences as well. When advice from many sources converges to give the same message, we should listen carefully. Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life.  –Lao Tzu,  The Tao Te Ching Hold on loosely. But don’t let go. If you cling too tightly, you’re gonna lose control.  –“Hold on Loosely," .38 Special This topic is also covered in  an episode of my podcast, The Reasonably Good Life.

We tend to worry a lot about what others think of us, even when they don't.   KEY POINTS We evolved to care about what others think about us. Our preoccupation with what others think about us causes unnecessary suffering. Liberating ourselves from unnecessary suffering is a key to greater happiness and life satisfaction. Most of us care quite a bit about what people think of us. As social creatures who depend upon one another to form families, groups, teams, tribes, communities, societies, and nations, this is a good thing: We  need  to care about our social relationships. From an evolutionary standpoint, it is adaptive to build and maintain strong social relationships because they enhance our survival. In this way, it can be said that we are "meant" to connect with one another. It is fundamental to who we are.  (I cover the topic further in  this podcast .) The positive feelings we derive from social interactions reinforce these critical bonds. Conversely, when our close relationships are disrupted in some way, we suffer. That's why  bullying , harassment, social rejection,   divorce , and the death of loved ones are so painful to us. As scientists have discovered, the pain of social rejection or a broken heart activates  some of the same regions of the brain  that are associated with the experience of physical pain. Deeply connecting with one another makes us vulnerable to being hurt. We cannot become broken-hearted unless our hearts are first open enough to let someone into them. Indeed, love  can  hurt. You can think back to your own personal experiences to see the power of our relationships. Take a few moments to think of your happiest times. Most of your fondest, most cherished memories will include your loved ones. On the other hand, when you think of your worst times in life, the suffering you endured most likely involved relationships as well. When We Care Too Much About What Others Think Most of us experience quite a bit of  anxiety  around our relationships with others, including complete strangers. Professor and author Brené Brown has often  discussed the power of vulnerability : in brief, she suggests we worry so much about what others think about us that it often stops us from taking risks, even small ones, for  fear  of judgment, ridicule, or rejection. Sometimes these fears become so intense and crippling that a person might meet diagnostic criteria for having a  social anxiety disorder.  However, even when these fears don't reach clinical levels, think of how much suffering and missed opportunities they can cause. Our fear of social judgment or rejection can prevent us from taking chances and being the person we'd like to be. Consider the following: ·  We are afraid to ask a person out on a date despite having strong feelings for them. ·  We don't ask a co-worker how to use a program for fear of being judged as incompetent. ·  We don't apply for a job for fear that we won't get hired. ·  We don't contribute some ideas at a meeting for fear of being criticized by our colleagues. ·  We don't talk to a stranger at a party for fear they might not like us. Here's a crazy idea:  What if other people really don't care that much about us to warrant such fears in the first place? A Self-Test to Gauge How Much Others Really Care In my previous post on  the great irony of our suffering , I offered an example of an upcoming presentation at work in which you worried that you would be judged harshly by your boss and colleagues. You were intensely worried about the upcoming presentation, but it seemed to go OK. Let's continue this example: To your relief, you completed your presentation without an apparent disaster. Still, your worries persist that others are judging you harshly.  Maybe folks acted nice enough, but they really thought it was awful. Or that you are incompetent or a fraud? The reality is that most people do not care that much about your presentation or, for that matter, think all that much about you. Here's a little exercise to put this claim to the test: ·  Think about the many past presentations that you've attended. ·  Think of the worst ones that you've ever seen. ·  Can you specifically recall some of these horrible presentations that you've attended, or is that difficult? ·  Can you remember anything about the presenters? ·  Even if you do recall some of these horrible presentations, how often do you think of these presentations (and their presenters) on a daily basis? ·  If you are having trouble recalling these horrible presentations,  what does it mean to you  that you are having trouble recalling them or that you rarely ever think of them now? You can also do this same exercise with the best presentations that you've ever seen, and you will find similar results. You know the truth:  You don't think much about other presenters or their presentations soon after they are over, regardless of whether they knocked your socks off, or they were train wrecks.  Soon after the presentation, you go about your business and are unlikely to think much about it ever again. You turn your  attention  to other matters as you go about your life. Now, let's do a quick role reversal. If you aren't thinking much about other presenters and their presentations soon after they are over,  what does this mean others are thinking about you and your presentation?  Yes, that is correct: They are not thinking about you just as you don't think much about them. I'm both sorry and happy to say that  you are not so special that you get more attention than you give others. There's No Need to Beware of Sharks in a Lake It is critical to internalize this reality: It is not other people's negative thoughts about us that cause us to suffer. Primarily, it is  what we  think  others are thinking that causes us to suffer.  We experience  level 2 suffering  when we worry excessively about what others are thinking about us. In part, because of our negativity  bias  and because relationships are so important to us, our minds end up envisioning disastrous social scenarios that are not reality. As crazy as this might sound, the vulnerability we experience in social contexts is not a vulnerability to people's judgments of us.  It is a vulnerability to our own anxiety-producing thoughts about what others might be thinking about us.  It's as if we are worried about getting eaten by a shark when we are swimming in a lake. In reality: ·  Other people probably are not thinking about us much , and not for very long . ·  Even when they are thinking about us, it's probably not nearly as negative as we fear. ·  When we quit thinking about what they  might  be thinking about us, we free ourselves from unnecessary suffering caused by our own anxiety-producing thoughts. ·  Even when others have negative thoughts about us, those thoughts don't actually harm us. Again,  the harm comes from our thoughts about their thoughts. Certainly, when we make mistakes and say or do the wrong things—things that will happen from time to time—we should own the mistake. We need to fix the problems caused, work to repair any harm to the relationship, forgive  ourselves, and move on with our lives.   Yet, we should both remember and take comfort in the reality that most people don't care about it all that much. They are probably too busy worrying about what  we  think about  them !

In an attempt to prevent suffering, our minds often create it.   KEY POINTS In the modern world, we end up suffering more than we need to. There is a great irony to our suffering that is helpful for us to understand. Identifying when we are suffering and the source of suffering can help us to more skillfully address it.   As I discussed in my previous two posts, there is some suffering in life that is inherent to the human condition.  "Level 1 Suffering"  is necessary for our survival. It motivates us to avoid or rectify experiences that are threats to our well-being. In contrast,  "Level 2 Suffering"  occurs when our minds ruminate about negative events of the past or present or worry about the present and future. My podcast coverage of this topic can be found  here . Level 2 Suffering is  real  suffering. That is, we really suffer when we ruminate about the negatives of the present or past or worry about the future. Worrying that something bad  could  happen creates the same suffering whether the imagined negative event is likely to happen in reality or not. For example, fearing Pennywise is under the bed creates a hair-tingling form of suffering even when the odds he is actually under the bed are, well, zero. Our minds create suffering within us because we react to "what if" scenarios as "what is" or "what will be" scenarios. "Wish we could turn back time/to the good old days/when our momma sang us to sleep,/but now we're  stressed  out."  — from the song "Stressed Out" by Twenty One Pilots What If We Could Wear A "Sufferometer"? Here's an ironic twist. If we were to wear a "sufferometer" that measured our suffering much like a Fitbit measures our steps, it would likely measure more suffering over time from worrying that a bad event  might  happen than the "bad" event would cause  if it actually happened . As crazy as it might sound,  we suffer more from worrying that we might suffer than from the actual event itself occurring.  The catastrophes that we most  fear  are unlikely to happen in the first place. Moreover, even when things don't turn out well, we usually adapt rather quickly to what occurred and move on with our lives. Let's say you have a big presentation for work in two weeks. In the illustration, at Time 1, you learn about the upcoming presentation and start worrying. Thoughts incessantly race through your mind for the two weeks leading up to it:  What if I screw up? What if my boss doesn't like it? What if my colleagues think I am a phony? What if I become the butt of jokes? What if I got fired, and word spreads about my incompetence, and I never work again? Argh! Your  anxiety  rises to a fever pitch the night before and the morning of the presentation. You feel as if you might have a panic attack! You muster your courage, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, and deliver your presentation. While you are nervous throughout much of the presentation, you settle in and get through it. Whew! That wasn't too bad, was it? Your boss and colleagues thank you for the presentation, go back to their desks, and resume their work. Your anxiety level subsides, and you carry on with your life. The anxiety that you experienced was real. Your "sufferometer" measured two weeks' worth of suffering until you completed your presentation. The suffering that you experienced prior to the presentation was, in total, significantly more than the suffering that the presentation actually caused. In this way, you suffered more from worrying that you might suffer. What did the suffering accomplish? Was it necessary? Sure, a certain amount of stress and anxiety can motivate us to work hard and prepare. However, the amount of worry that we usually experience and the suffering that it causes tend to be disproportionate to the realities of the situation. “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus What Can We Do About Our Suffering? "I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me." —  Bono, from the U2 song, "Rejoice" Before we do anything about our suffering, we first must recognize  when  we are suffering. This might seem rather elementary, but sometimes we get so busy that we don't slow down enough to take inventory of how we are doing. Similarly, we can't treat a sprained ankle unless we first recognize that we are hurting. " A problem cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created it."  — quote of unknown origin often attributed to Albert Einstein Thus, we need to slow down and periodically conduct "check-ins" with ourselves to gauge how we are doing. Are we tired? Hungry? Thirsty? In physical pain? Sad? Stressed? Once we detect a "disturbance in the Force," we are now in a position to determine how to address it. Inspired by the works of the 8th-century Buddhist monk and philosopher Shantideva, in  The Art of Happiness , the Dalai Lama describes how, when we find ourselves suffering from distress, we should ask ourselves, "Is there something that I can do about this?" If we can, then we direct our energies to addressing the challenging situation. However, if we determine that there's nothing we can do about it, we must realize that unproductive rumination or worrying is an additional source of suffering. From this perspective, we exacerbate our suffering by trying to avoid or deny the possibility of our suffering. Instead, we must move towards acceptance of reality  and endeavor to cope with it to the best of our abilities.   “There is only one way to  happiness  and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will.” ―  Epictetus Importantly, acceptance isn't the same as  liking  a negative situation. For example, we won't  like  the reality that there's a fire in our kitchen. However, we must accept the reality that there is a fire in our kitchen in order to do something about it. This idea is also captured beautifully in the very popular "Serenity Prayer" by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It is commonly quoted as: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and  wisdom  to know the difference. Certainly, this is easier said than done. That said, to find greater levels of peace and joy in this journey of life, we must find ways to manage our suffering. Suffering will always be part of life, yet part of our life's work is to experience levels of  emotion  that fit the realities of our situations. I will be exploring this topic in greater depth in future blogs, so I hope you will join me!

Recognizing when and why we are suffering unnecessarily can help us reduce it. KEY POINTS While a great deal of suffering in life is inevitable, a large portion is exaggerated and unnecessary. Our brains evolved to help us solve problems to enhance survival, but they also create suffering by dwelling on the negative. When we can determine whether our suffering is unnecessary or exaggerated, we can take steps to reduce it. "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."  —Unknown In my  previous post , I discussed how much of our suffering is part of the human condition and, in fact, necessary for our survival. We evolved to endure suffering in specific circumstances such as deprivation of food, water, air, warmth, social rejection, and loss of loved ones. Our suffering motivates us to change our behavior, when possible, in ways that enhance our chances of survival. I am calling this  Level 1 Suffering.  This is the  "Pain is inevitable"  part of the above quote. If you are reading this, then you, like me, are benefiting from the many creature comforts of modernity. Unlike most of our ancestors throughout our evolutionary history, we don't have to worry about securing the basic life necessities of food, water, and shelter. Moreover, we benefit from technological advances, antibiotics, and modern medicine. We should all probably be much more  grateful   for the amazing benefits of modernity that we tend to take for granted. Herein lies part of the problem. Despite our tremendous progress and most of our creature comforts being met, we still suffer quite a bit. In fact, we suffer a lot more than we need to suffer. Why is this the case? The Double-Edged Sword Of Our Big Brains Our magnificent brains evolved to solve complex problems, enhancing our survival. It is with these big brains that we've developed enlightened reasoning, the scientific method, modern medicine, communities, governments, agriculture, plumbing, electricity, and TikTok. As Harvard University social psychologist Dan Gilbert describes in his book  Stumbling Upon Happiness ,  our brains are  experience simulators . When trying to work through our challenges and achieve our  goals , we can hold information in our heads and "try out" various solutions. This can save time, energy, and resources and reduce our exposure to threats. Consider the following examples: ·  Hunters see the tracks of an animal and form hypotheses about what kind of animal it is, when it went by, how fast it might be traveling, and where it might be. ·  You need to figure out your  retirement   plans. How much can you afford to invest for retirement? Into what types of investment options do you invest your money? When do you want to retire? How long do you expect to live? How much money will you need per year to live on? ·  Your friend seems perturbed at you. Did you say or do anything that could have offended her? Is she being overly dramatic over a minor transgression, or is she upset by something else entirely? If she's upset with you, what can you do to smooth things over? We literally owe our existence to the incredible power of our brains. So, let's take a moment to use our brains to appreciate how amazing our brains are. That said, our big brains can get us into big trouble too. They are the source of what I am calling  Level 2 Suffering,  which is the  "Suffering is optional"  part of the previous quote. How Our Big Brains Can Cause Major Suffering As part of an inherent  negativity bias,  our brains help us survive by being alert to potential threats. Unconsciously, our brains'  default mode network , in an effort to protect us from harm, ironically  causes us harm  in the form of disturbing ruminations about the past and worrisome thoughts about the future. This habit is inherent to our brains, not a flaw.   Our brains were  meant  to do this. However, constantly reviewing the negative events of the past or worrying about what could happen to us in the future can elicit feelings of  depression  or  anxiety , respectively. Perhaps, instead of a  negative externality , we can consider this a "negative internality." It is as if we have our own personal news anchors in our brains, incessantly spouting a stream of bad news about the past and anxiety-provoking headlines about the future. The modern world contains many dangers that are highly discrepant from those encountered by our ancestors throughout our evolutionary history. This  evolutionary mismatch  creates endless sources of existential threats. Will America become a fascist or socialist country? What if North Korea develops a nuclear arsenal?  Is Fortnite ruining my kid ? What if my son doesn't get into a good college?  Why don't more people "like" my posts on social media?  What if I lose my job? The news and  social media   capitalize upon our fears because we are drawn to negative news like moths to a flame. The reality is that once we examine past events to help us learn from those experiences, ruminating about them does us little good since we can't change the past. Moreover, few of the worries we fret over actually come true. Many wise people have noted the "madness" of constantly worrying about things that aren't likely to happen. "Our worst misfortunes never happen, and most miseries lie in anticipation."  —Honoré de Balzac “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.”  —Of unknown origin but often attributed to Mark Twain “There is nothing so wretched or foolish as to anticipate misfortunes. What madness it is in your expecting evil before it arrives!”  —Seneca Reflect On Your Own Experiences To See The "Madness" Of Your Brain Take just a moment and think back to some bad things that you worried about happening that never happened. Here are a few examples from... um, a good friend of mine: ·  My wife, I mean  my friend's wife , was out late with her friend and didn't respond to texts in a timely fashion. Did she get in a car wreck on the way home? ·  My friend gave a presentation and didn't receive feedback right away. Did the attendees not like it? Did one of his jokes offend people? Will he get "blacklisted"? ·  My friend's young son did not get off the school bus. Did his son miss the bus? Is he stuck at school? Did he get picked up by a stranger? Abducted? (Or, just perhaps, his grandmother picked his son up from school, and my friend had just forgotten that he had made that arrangement.) Can you identify with some experiences like these? Of course, bad things  do  happen. Sometimes that little mole  is  cancerous. However, if we could compare the number of times that we worried about bad things happening to us that didn't end up happening with the number of bad things that we worried about that did happen to us, there would be an enormous disparity. We can consider this exaggerated and unnecessary suffering  Level 2 Suffering. The Takeaway By understanding the nature of suffering with greater clarity, we can implement some skillful strategies to reduce it. As the Buddha astutely observed, "Life is suffering." While that sounds overly negative, the Buddha, in his  wisdom , must have been aware of how easily our minds can become preoccupied with suffering. Level 1 Suffering, which is an inevitable part of life, comes from adversities such as lack of food, water, and shelter, as well as injuries, disease, and death. In our modern world, though, much of our daily suffering can be considered Level 2 Suffering, emerging from our mind's tendency to ruminate on the negatives of the past and present and worry about potential threats in the present and future. The podcast version of this post can be  found here .

Anger from the left has been boiling over. But do Democrats really hate America?   KEY POINTS Many Democrats are angry about what they see happening in America, but this doesn't mean they hate America. Conservatives express a lot of angry about what they see happening in America as well. Democrats and Republicans tend to hold some different values regarding what is "good" and "right" for America. When each side views the other side with anger and contempt, these United States are in trouble. Collectively, we need to find a better way. Our perception that   politics  in America have grown  more polarized  in recent decades, unfortunately, is fairly accurate. The   anger  and vitriol seems to be at toxic levels. In recent weeks, rage over decades (centuries?) of racism and  discrimination  has resulted into  protests across America  and worldwide. The most recent catalyst for the outbreak of protests is  George Floyd's death  at the hands of Minneapolis police officers.  Black Lives Matter  might be the largest movement in U.S. history. All of this occurring under the gloom of a global pandemic. Much of this anger, as of late, has been from the left. Some of this righteous anger, in the form of " wokism " and the " cancel culture ," might be inadvertently contributing to a backlash from the right. In response to some of the anger and protests from the left, some conservatives, such as Fox News host Tucker Carlson, have gone as far as saying that today's Democratic leaders " despise this country " and, consequently, are unfit to be in  leadership   roles .  While I'm sure that there are some extremists in America who do indeed hate our country, let's keep this discussion focused on the more typical American Democrat (or person who is more liberal or on the "left"). Is it true that  they really hate America? Does Anger Mean Hate? First, let's not conflate "anger" with "hate." One can be angry without hating, and our own experience tells us this is true. Think of the times that you've been really angry with your partner, parent, close friend, or child. Did your anger mean that you hated them? Of course not! Just as you can love someone and be angry at them, one can love one's country and be angry at aspects of it too. Similarly, we can even dislike aspects of a person we love (e.g., the way he smacks his food when he eats). Granted, there is so much anger in many liberals right now that it might appear that many of them do indeed hate America. But just as those we love can hurt us most, consider that the level of anger that many liberals feel is a reflection of the pain and hurt underneath it. People on the Right Become Critical and Angry Too Clearly, it's not just people on the left who get angry at our political leaders, laws, and policies. People on the right can be very critical and protest too, often in anger. Some examples include   protesting requirements to wear masks , for  gun rights , and  banning abortions . There are people on the extreme right who despise the IRS, CIA, FBI, and the federal government in general. Yet, we shouldn't claim that these people hate America ... right? Let's imagine that Hillary Clinton had become president. Many (most?) conservatives would likely be extremely upset by this and criticizing her and almost every aspect of her administration. "A  liberal  Supreme Court justice nominated to replace a retiring conservative one? OMG, she's awful!" The hosts at Fox News would practically be frothing at the mouth, just as the CNN and MSNBC news anchors do now about Trump and his administration. Further, we can imagine if President Hillary Clinton were restricting access to firearms and fending off abortion restrictions, there would be  many  angry protests from the right, to say the least. How Conservatives and Liberals Are Alike People on both the right and left sides of the political spectrum get angry and protest. Each side thinks they are right and the other side is wrong. Both sides vilify the other and engage in a type of  fear -mongering. "Don't let the other side win, or they will destroy America!" In an odd way, this makes conservatives and liberals the same, not different. The difference is  what  elicits fear and anger in each side.  There is some truth to the idea that both the right and the left hate the version of America that the other side wants us to be. Viewing Our Differences Through the Lens of Moral Foundations Theory While we all like to think of ourselves as objective, we all are subject to many biases that shape our views and opinions. This comes into particular play in our moral values and judgments. According to social psychologist Dr. Jonathan Haidt and colleagues'   Moral Foundations Theory , conservatives and liberals' evaluations of good/bad and right/wrong are influenced by how these different foundations are weighted. Liberals tend to evaluate   morality   based more on the foundations of care/harm, fairness/cheating, and liberty/oppression whereas conservatives also include the foundations of loyalty/betrayal, authority/subversion, and sanctity/degradation. Most of this is   subconscious , but it can result in liberals and conservatives almost speaking different languages when it comes to their moral reasoning. Each side looks at the other and thinks, "Why do you not see this? What is wrong with you that you don't get this?" (You can read more about this in Haidt's  The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion ). The killing of George Floyd by police officers activated all three of liberals' primary moral foundations of care/harm, fairness/cheating, and liberty/oppression quite strongly. From the left's perspective, their righteous anger in the forms of protests and demands for change are warranted to correct wrongs in society and our politics. Many on the left were already quite angry about the Trump presidency for denigrating the values that many liberals hold dear (e.g., treatment of refugees, immigrants, and the poor, minority/LBGTQ rights,  the environment ). Similarly, conservatives become quite upset when liberals act in ways that subvert the three other moral foundations: disloyalty to America, disrespecting authority, and dishonoring the sanctity of America. In many countries, and historically, one would be imprisoned or executed for merely criticizing the government. As a recent example,   protesters in Hong Kong  experienced China's crackdown firsthand. What a great country we have that we can (peacefully) protest our own government! Numerous conservatives look at people on the left and think, "What is their major malfunction? What a bunch of ungrateful complainers! How dare they be so critical of our great nation!" Agree with them or not, many conservatives find it almost heretical for liberals to be so critical of America, especially when it comes to the removal of statues, monuments, and renaming roads and buildings (there's that "sanctity" moral foundation coming into play). Can We Find Some Common Ground? People don't fit into discreet categories and, if we stop vilifying one another long enough, perhaps we can each see a little bit from one another's perspective. We get so polarized that we often don't listen to one another, which might be considered a form of  switchtracking . We are too busy telling the other side how and why they are wrong instead of listening a bit to one another to try to find some common ground. Conservatives are correct in that, taking a broad perspective, there are  many  wonderful things about America. We have done a lot "right." We are founded on lofty principles that all people have the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of  happiness . We are a world leader in so many areas—the arts, sciences, medicine, and technology. American ingenuity, allowed to flourish in our fertile economic and political conditions, is responsible for inventions such as the electric light, the airplane, cellphones, and personal computers. We helped win World Wars I and II. We put the first human beings on the moon. In many respects, we should all be  thankful   that we live here and not in some more oppressive country like North Korea or, even more broadly, medieval Europe, Stalin's Russia, or Hitler's Germany. Using both historical and global standards, America is a pretty awesome country. Yet, liberals are also correct that America has many ills. We frequently don't live up to our lofty aspirations. Many inequalities still exist. We have some embarrassingly bad policies and laws in our history, such as slavery and Jim Crow. Most Native Americans would not, understandably, praise America as the land of opportunity given that we took the land from them. It's amazing to think that, even though America was founded on July 4, 1776, women were not even given the  right to vote at the national level  until the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920. To this day, many women and minorities still don't often experience the same level of opportunities and benefits as the advantaged white majority. Much progress has been made in the areas of social justice, yet there is more work to be done. Liberals and conservatives each have valid perspectives.  But the groups become more polarized when we don't acknowledge this. Liberals could do a better job at appreciating the many great qualities about America while still calling for change and reform. Conservatives could do a better job at acknowledging that, even though America is a great country in so many respects, we have made many egregious mistakes in our past and still have work to do in order to "form a more perfect union." The Takeaway? While there may be extremists on the left who hate America, it's important to note that most Democrats do not share this sentiment.  However, many are angry. But saying Democrats hate America provides a rationale for Republicans to hate Democrats. This kind of polarizing rhetoric maybe the heart of the problem. Once we become blinded by the view that people who hold different perspectives than we do are idiots, ignorant, or morally inferior to ourselves, it allows us to treat them with contempt and disdain. "My group is better than your group!" Strangely enough, Democrats and Republicans each point their collective fingers at one another making the same claim—that they have it right and the other group is wrong (or ignorant, stupid, uneducated, etc.). The reality is that most people are doing the best they can and trying to get it "right," whatever that means. Simply put, if we thought our views were idiotic, we would change them! Although Democrats don't truly hate America, making this claim elicits the outrage that garners higher TV ratings, more  social media  shares and likes, and makes more money for networks. Media on both the right and the left foment this anger because their existence often depends upon it. We are all, to some degree, responsible, as well, as we collectively segregate ourselves into our tribes and convince ourselves that we are morally superior to those "others." Until both liberals and conservatives realize that our real enemy isn't each other, but our vilification of one another, we will continue down this path toward greater tribal animosity that is the real threat to our democracy.

A Very, Very Mad World " The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. " --- Lady Galadriel from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Many of us, including me, feel like we are living in a very, very mad world. Despite the incredible progress humanity has made over the centuries, we are seeing some extremely strange and worrisome problems. As we collectively peer into our future, many of us don't like what we see. Our children are growing up in a swiftly evolving digital world that didn't exist when we were young. This rapid technological change, coupled with global challenges, is affecting our mental health and social fabric in ways we're only beginning to understand. We're seeing increases in mental health problems, loneliness, and suicide rates among various groups, raising questions about the impact of our increasingly digital life. Even as our screens provide amazing options and connectivity, there's widespread pessimism about the future among people in affluent countries. We face an alarming number of intricate, morphing societal challenges that contribute to our worries, stress, and negativity. Unfortunately, there are valid reasons to be worried  about our collective future. These challenges span various aspects of our lives and society, including: ·        Climate change & environmental degradation ·        Increasing political polarization ·        Wars in the Ukraine and Middle East ·        The omnipresent possibility of nuclear war ·        A recent pandemic ·        Increasing wealth inequality ·        Culture wars ·        The rise of artificial intelligence (AI) ·        The spread of fake news, deep fakes, misinformation, lies, and conspiracy theories ·        A 2024 United States presidential election that terrifies both sides equally "I can't believe the news today. I can't close my eyes and make it go away. How long, how long must we sing this song? How long?" -- from the song , Sunday, Bloody Sunday, by U2 The societal problems we see as we doomscroll on our phones affect us at the individual level. The scary stories that target each of us through algorithms of attention trapture  get more likes, clicks, shares, outrage...and money for those who pull the strings. Fear and hate are profitable…at least in the short-run.   (A quick aside – The journey that led me to The Unity Imperative reads like Slumdog Millionaire meets Ready Player One. That mind-blowing backstory, which deeply informs these ideas, is one we’ll explore as we go along. Here is the short version of The Unity Imperative and the video is below. This Unity Imperative series is the long version. I'd write a book, but there simply isn't enough time). The Divided States of America: A Manifestation of Global Division " A house divided against itself cannot stand. " - Abraham Lincoln, inspired by the words of Jesus Nowhere is this global madness more evident than in the United States, where we approach a monumental 2024 presidential election. Millions of Americans on both sides of the political divide are gripped by fear and foreboding. Recent events like the assassination attempt on a former president and the January 6th Capitol riot are extremely alarming canaries in the coal mine. These aren't isolated incidents but symptoms of a deep sickness within our country and, by extension, our world. The heart of America's problem, which reflects a larger global issue, is right in front of our collective noses: we are too divided . The existential angst we feel about this election reflects our level of polarization. If we were more united, we'd feel confident our country would continue to endure and prosper regardless of which president or party is leading the country. This chasm between us isn't just a political inconvenience— it's a ticking time bomb threatening the very foundations of our democracy . As our division widens, we edge closer to disaster. On some level, we all understand the deep wisdom contained within the idea " United we stand, divided we fall ." Yet, despite centuries of democracy and millennia of wisdom urging unity, we are allowing ourselves to become The Divided States of America . This stark contrast between our foundational ideals and our current reality underscores the urgency of our situation. Our division cripples our ability to address looming global crises such as climate change, technological disruption, and geopolitical tensions. We are left weaker and more vulnerable as we squander our energies and resources. In America, land of the free, we squander our liberty on bitter infighting rather than uniting to conquer our shared challenges. This tragic irony threatens our very future. This is not the best America has to offer. Our true strength emerges when we stand united, not divided. To understand how we've strayed so far from our ideals, we must examine the forces eroding our democracy. The Erosion of Democracy: A Technological and Social Divide In America and elsewhere, democracies are struggling. We are seeing an unsettling amount of social unrest, and there is a disconcerting rise in totalitarianism, extremism on both sides, and even anti-Semitism. The Left and Right have come to equally mistrust, fear, hate, and despise one another. At national and global levels, our inability to recognize our shared humanity and work together for the collective good should concern us all. This disconnect is exacerbated by the breakneck pace of technological change. Our technological evolution zooms past our biological evolution. We are like toddlers learning to walk while our inventions sprint ultramarathons . Alarmingly, our moral, spiritual, and cultural progress are also being left behind in the digital dust of our technological triumphs. This rocketing disparity fuels our societal challenges and produces much of our suffering. Our hyper-connected, screen-based world is now filled with echo chambers, filter bubbles, infectious outrage, clickbait, surveillance capitalism, disinformation, misinformation, deepfakes, and endless doomscrolling. These are not challenges we evolved to overcome. Moreover, as we chase digital red herrings of happiness , this often comes at the expense of meeting our basic evolutionary needs. These include sleep, physical activity, time in nature, and, perhaps most importantly, in-person social interactions. While human beings are incredibly adaptive, we have our limits. When our fundamental needs are not met adequately, we will suffer. Our digital world is reshaping our society and individual psyches in ways we can't comprehend, let alone adapt. Are these soaring technological capabilities inadvertently causing us to devolve into fear, anger, hatred, and tribalism? How are our societal and individual struggles interconnected in this new digital landscape? As if it weren’t already challenging living within this fast-paced digital world, we've created artificial intelligence that evolves at an exponential rate. This AI revolution stands poised to radically transform every facet of our existence, from the very nature of work to the core of our decision-making processes. A tsunami of change is about to wash over the entire human race . Think of it as 1000 years of climate change taking place in the next 5 years. We are not ready.  Like modern-day Frankensteins, we've engineered technologies beyond our control. We've failed to learn from our countless cautionary tales. “ The insanity of the collective egoic mind, amplified by science and technology, is rapidly taking our species to the brink of disaster. Evolve or die: that is our choice now.  “ – Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher Tolle's warning echoes Our Unity Imperative. We must evolve spiritually, transcending our tribal instincts to unite, or risk falling victim to the very progress we've achieved. The Perils of Progress: From Thoreau to AI Yet, as we look around the world today, we are understandably worried that we lack the collective insight to wield this power responsibly. As poet and naturalist Henry David Thoreau warned about the industrial revolution of his era, we have “ improved means to unimproved ends .” Just as Thoreau warned of unchecked industrialization, we now face an even greater peril: ensuring our technological progress serves humanity rather than annihilates it. Ironically, our tools of progress may be undermining the very social prosperity they were designed to enhance. The shared teachings of love, compassion, and unity across many religions, as well as our Founding Fathers' cautions regarding political division, seem forgotten. America is not getting better at democracy. We face a decline that threatens the very foundations of our United States and serves as a stark warning to the world . From this perspective, the presidential candidates are not the problem. Rather, they are lightning rods of both hope and fear. Each side blames America’s struggles and woes on the “Other Side.” In doing so, both sides co-create the real problem. So, what is the real problem? At this stage of our democracy, each side would rather vote for a flaming pile of dung than for someone on the dreaded “Other Side.” We view those across the political fence as existential threats rather than fellow Americans with different views. Our Founding Fathers, with their profound foresight, warned us about the perils of polarization. Although their words are centuries old, they cut through time with razor-sharp relevance: " A zeal for different opinions concerning religion, concerning government, and many other points... have, in turn, divided mankind into parties, inflamed them with mutual animosity, and rendered them much more disposed to vex and oppress each other than to co-operate for their common good ." - James Madison " There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader, and concerting measures in opposition to each other. This, in my humble apprehension, is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution .” – John Adams As we face this erosion of our democratic ideals, we must remember that unity is not just a lofty goal, but a fundamental part of our national identity. It's time to recall the ideals upon which American greatness is founded. We must reclaim the truth that "United" is the very essence of our strength . In this era of unprecedented challenges, our ability to come together may well determine our fate as a nation. It is only through unity that we can hope to harness our technological advances for the greater good. It is our collective responsibility to ensure they enhance, rather than erode or destroy , our democratic ideals. How Do We Make America Better? We have forgotten the Truth that “United” is America’s first name – the very ideal upon which our greatness is founded. We are not “The Freedom States of America” for good reason. Our nation's original motto, "E pluribus unum" - meaning "Out of many, One" - captures this fundamental truth. It's the glue that binds our diverse states and people into a single, unified nation. Our Founding Fathers understood that we experience the greatest freedom in our nation when unity comes first. Our ability to exercise freedom within these United States depends on America’s unity. " We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. " - Benjamin Franklin, A Founding Father of America Our degree of division is inherently incompatible with the demands of our complex, interconnected world . This disconnect between our knowledge and our actions is at the root of much of our suffering. However, in this complex world, it's easy to lose sight of the truths we need to light our way forward. Thus, our liberation doesn't come from discovering new truths, but in finally putting into practice the timeless wisdom we've always known. “ All secrets are open secrets. Nothing is hidden, nothing can be revealed. People can only be told what they already know, but they might not be conscious of their knowledge .” Camden Banares, from Zen Without Zen Masters Living the Truths we already know is our path to freedom from the cycle of hatred and division that both the Left and Right are trapped within. Unity is the most skillful path forward into our collective future . However, unity can only be achieved when we are able to see ourselves in others. In turn, connecting with others through our shared humanity enables us to love our neighbors, (i.e., everyone) as ourselves. Balancing Unity and Diversity: The American Challenge is Universal Vilifying fellow Americans, our neighbors, because of our differences will not create the level of unity necessary to navigate the challenges of this modern world. We must quit "othering" our neighbors. Achieving greater unity necessitates that we prioritize what connects us over what differentiates us. The Evolutionary Tightrope: Unity and Freedom Our struggle to balance unity and diversity is not just an American challenge—it's a universal human dilemma rooted in our evolutionary past. Our ancestors walked a precarious tightrope: they needed the safety and support of the tribe for survival, yet also required individual freedom to make choices ensuring personal survival. This delicate equilibrium between unity and freedom was forged in the crucible of our evolutionary history. Unity came first—without the tribe, there was no survival. But nested within this unity, freedom and individuality were equally crucial. This balance emerged through evolutionary forces, becoming integral to our very nature. The deeply ingrained balance was established in an ancient world. That primitive world moved at a glacial pace compared to our modern era. This evolutionary legacy is why finding life balance in our rapidly-evolving technological world feels like trying to juggle ten balls while running on an accelerating treadmill. Modern Times, Ancient Minds " The dilemma of humanity is this: we have paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and godlike technology ." - E.O. Wilson, Harvard University biologist From an evolutionary standpoint, we've leaped from small tribal groups to vast, complex societies in the blink of an eye. Our modern, digital world, with its dizzying array of multiplying choices and connections, is like an alien planet. Yet, a very deep part of us - let's call it our scared little monkey within—is still trying to navigate this alien landscape with our ancient instincts. Imagine dropping a Neanderthal in the middle of Times Square on New Year's Eve. They would go crazy from a mind-boggling sensory overload. This is not far from how a deep part of our psyche experiences our hyper-connected, ever-changing modern world. Our neural circuitry, fine-tuned over millennia for a world of savannas and tribes, now finds itself in a bewildering landscape of pixels and global networks. This mismatch between our ancient programming and our rapidly-evolving technological world explains why modern life often feels so chaotic and why we sometimes revert to tribal thinking in a global society. It's as if we're trying to run cutting-edge software on hardware that hasn't been updated in 200,000 years. Balancing Act in an Earthquake Now, we face an unprecedented challenge. We're trying to maintain this delicate balance between unity and freedom while technological change shakes the very ground beneath our feet. It's as if we're attempting a high-wire act during an earthquake. The pace of change, particularly in our digital world, is outstripping our ability to adapt. We're left feeling unmoored, struggling to find our footing in a world that seems to shift faster than we can comprehend. This rapid change is at the heart of why it often seems like the world is going crazy. What’s happening in a nutshell is this – we’ve created a crazy world, and it is beginning to drive us all a little crazy.   America's Challenge: A Universal Human Struggle The American experiment requires a delicate balance: cherishing our freedom to be diverse while maintaining our essential unity. We cannot claim to love freedom yet reject the diversity it naturally produces. Equally, we cannot champion diversity while dismissing those whose views differ from our own.  In this way, conservatives who reject differing expressions of freedom and liberals who don't accept those who hold different ideas of inclusion fall into the same trap of hypocrisy. Yet, when we take a step back, we can see that the hypocrisy on both sides of the political spectrum reflects our shared humanity. Our virtues and flaws follow us wherever we go. Our humanity transcends all artificial political and tribal boundaries. Our shared challenge is to embrace the full spectrum of our differences without losing sight of our fundamental sameness. This means creating a unity that doesn't demand uniformity, and celebrating a diversity that doesn't fracture our connectedness. In essence, we must learn to disagree without disconnecting and differ without dividing. At our core, we are all human beings on a journey to survive and thrive, along with our loved ones, as best we know how. This shared human experience is the bedrock of our inherent interconnectedness. By overfocusing on our individuality and uniqueness, we lose sight of our common humanity. Our shared challenge is this: We cannot allow the numerator of our differences to become greater than the denominator of our sameness . This Truth of our shared humanity creates the foundation for celebrating diversity while embracing unity. To fully embrace this Truth, we must transcend the deeply rooted tribalism within our evolutionary history. " The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion ." – Thomas Paine, American Founding Father As we navigate this universal human struggle, we must remember that our ability to find balance—between unity and freedom, between our ancient instincts and our modern realities—may well determine our collective future. The American challenge is, in truth, humanity's challenge. Unity: The Path to a Better America America cannot sustain greatness, and might not even survive as a nation, if we don’t reduce our toxic levels of polarization. We've lost sight of the “us” in U.S., and we're paying the price for this division. It's not a Right or  Left problem. It's a Right and  Left problem. Unity is not just desirable – it’s imperative for our survival. Given that we are all human beings trying our best to navigate the challenges of this world to find happiness, trying to determine which side is "more right" or "more wrong" is like arguing over which end of a sinking ship should be saved first. It's not only futile - it's counterproductive to our shared goal of staying afloat. From this perspective, while America is already “great” by many metrics, we can still be better  than we are. There is room for improvement. The key to making America better is through greater unity . Hidden within Jesus’ teaching that “A house divided cannot stand” is perhaps an even more profound truth. The converse must also be true: A house united cannot fall. The message is clear - together, we can forge a path to a stronger, more united America.   Unity Isn’t Uniformity It's crucial to understand that unity does not mean conformity . Prioritizing unity isn't about suppressing individual freedoms or creating some homogeneous Brave New World . On the contrary, it's about fostering a harmonious environment where our differences can coexist and thrive. This allows our freedoms to find their fullest expression. By embracing this true unity, we liberate ourselves from the most insidious attachment that plagues our human existence: hate. True unity allows for diversity of thought and action within a framework of mutual respect and shared goals. We're not aiming for a world of identical beliefs, but one where diverse perspectives contribute to our collective thriving and happiness. The greatest freedom we could ever know is freedom to  love coupled with freedom from fear and hate. As U2 reminds us in their anthem, One , “We're one, but we're not the same. We get to carry each other.” This is the essence of unity – not erasing our differences but embracing them while recognizing our fundamental interconnectedness. This echoes our earlier point about not letting the numerator of our differences become greater than the denominator of our sameness. Unity doesn't mean erasing what makes us unique. It means recognizing that our shared humanity is greater than our individual differences. To understand this on a more personal level, let's consider our own romantic relationships. Have you ever tried determining who is more at fault for your arguments and conflicts or who contributes “more” to the relationship? We all know firsthand that this is an exercise in futility…or perhaps even in masochism. We don't win such arguments. We both lose. “ The only winning move is not to play .” - Tagline from the movie, WarGames Thus, we must choose being "effective" over trying to be "right" and compromise for the collective good. This is how we have healthy, adult relationships in real life. In this important regard, America is failing . We, as the Right and  Left, are in a dysfunctional marriage, endlessly bickering and blaming each other instead of working together to build a stronger household. We're squandering our time, energy, and resources on petty fights instead of investing those in our shared future. As we face unprecedented challenges in our rapidly changing world, the need for unity has never been greater. The Urgency of Unity The toxic levels of polarization are tearing at the very fabric of our society and undermining the foundations of democracy. The challenges of this world, and the sci-fi world we are creating for ourselves, necessitate a much greater level of unity than humanity is showing right now . Alarmingly, as our rapidly changing world becomes more interconnected and our challenges more complex, America is moving in precisely the wrong direction . Our increasing polarization is the antithesis of what we need. While the world demands greater cooperation and unity to solve our shared, global issues, we're devolving into tribal groups. We are erecting walls instead of building bridges. This divergence between our nation's trajectory and the world's needs is not just counterproductive— it could be our undoing . We cannot solve collective problems with divided approaches in an interconnected world. We are caught in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Both the Left and Right live in collective fear of one another within our shared country. We might end up destroying the wonderful nation we claim to cherish as we try to defeat our fellow human beings who are on the despised other side. In this way, we are like two gigantic Red and Blue toddlers breaking the very toys we're fighting over . It’s as if we’ve somehow forgotten how to share and compromise. Another way to think about our political infighting is as if we had our Right and Left arms attack one another to see which side "wins." We forget that they are connected to the same body, and that WE inherently suffer from having them fight. Moreover, we can't use those same arms to be productive when they are too busy fighting one another. Think of the amount of energy we waste fighting one another incessantly instead of working together for the common good. Our beloved "United" States is devolving into tribalism. Our greatest enemy is ourselves. We are rotting from within . This division is jeopardizing the very principles upon which our democracy stands and deeply undermining the core of our society. To paraphrase the late, great cosmologist Carl Sagan, the extraordinary challenges (of our rapidly evolving world) require extraordinary unity (within our increasingly interconnected, yet more fractured, society). My Fellow Human Beings, the stakes are existential, and time is of the essence. This is The Unity Imperative. The Path to Unity: Confronting Our Divide To chart a path towards unity, we must confront the psychology driving our division. Why do we cling to this self-destructive cycle? The answer lies in a toxic brew of fear, misperception, and a growing blindness to our shared humanity. As we continue this journey, we can use these timeless words of wisdom light our way: " The only way to tackle a problem is to understand it, and understanding begins with an honest and open search for the truth, however painful that truth may be. " - C.P. Snow, British scientist and novelist " The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it emotionally ." - Flannery O'Connor, American novelist " Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less ." – Marie Curie, physicist In our next installment, we'll confront uncomfortable truths that hold the key to our future. A clearer understanding of the psychology that creates our division enables us to bridge the chasms between us. The One Unity Movement: A Call to Action The Unity Imperative needs to spark a movement. So, let’s do this . The One Unity Movement is born today, and we need you to be a part of it. You can become part of ending toxic polarization right now. When someone asks, "What side are you on?" Simply respond, " I'm on the side of unity ." Looking for something to rebel against? Rebel against division. Be a rebel for unity . By siding with unity, we automatically end division. Polarization needs another side to push back against, but unity gives it nothing to oppose. We've been approaching our problems backwards by trying to solve issues while we are too divided . Instead, we must start with reducing polarization, perhaps by only voting for politicians who make a Unity Pledge. This empowers us to work on our shared challenges together. Calling All Connectors If this message resonates deeply with you and you have the power to amplify it, we need you. Are you an influencer, a thought leader, or someone with connections to those who can make a difference? If you know people in high places or have a network that can help spread this message, reach out. I can't create the One Unity Movement alone. Together, we can turn this vision into a reality. The Unity Imperative: Our Shared Journey The path ahead is challenging, but it's a journey we must take together. Our future—as a nation and as a species—hangs in the balance. Our Unity Imperative calls us to Level Up, and we can only answer that call as one. Remember, as we forge ahead: " There is no fate but what we make for ourselves ." – from The Terminator  series Join The One Unity Movement today. Because in a world of division, being one is not just a choice - it's our imperative. Together, we can transform our world, one connection at a time. United We Stand, Together We Thrive! Please subscribe to my blog (it’s free!). My plan is to have a new blog every week, with accompanying videos. The Unity Imperative is my purpose.

In a world teetering on the brink of catastrophe with shared existential challenged coupled with boundless opportunities, The Unity Pledge emerges as an alternative path to our fear- and hate-fueled tribalism. It represents a stepping stone to connect America's deep divides and chart a course toward a more unified and resilient nation. As global crises mount and internal fractures widen, this pledge offers a bold vision for transcending our differences and harnessing our collective strength. We, the people, have the power to transform our political landscape. By supporting only those leaders who commit to this Unity Pledge—a solemn vow to prioritize reducing polarization—we create a powerful incentive for unity. This grassroots approach could revolutionize our political dialogue, shifting from divisive rhetoric to collaborative problem-solving. By choosing not to elect anyone who refuses to sign, we send a clear message: unity is non-negotiable. Born from the urgent need to address our growing polarization, this pledge is not just a set of lofty ideals—it's a practical roadmap for transforming our political culture. It calls on leaders and citizens alike to prioritize national unity, embrace diverse perspectives, and harness the power of emerging technologies like AI for the greater good. The Unity Pledge is a living document, designed to evolve with input from Americans across the political spectrum. It serves as a prototype for what's possible when we combine human wisdom with technological innovation to address our most pressing challenges. By reducing polarization, we can repurpose time, money, and energy towards improving lives. For a deeper dive into the philosophy behind this pledge, explore The Unity Imperative series or you can read a summary of The Unity Imperative here . But for now, let's cut to the chase—here's The Unity Pledge in its current form: The Unity Pledge   In this era of unprecedented global interconnectedness, we, the undersigned, recognize that the challenges facing our nation demand a new level of unity and cooperation. Our digital age has brought us closer together than ever before, yet paradoxically, we find ourselves increasingly divided. We acknowledge that this hyperconnected world, driven by rapidly advancing artificial intelligence, necessitates a unified approach to problem-solving. We cannot solve collective problems with divided approaches in an interconnected world. Because we are connected, our problems are all collective. Guided by the wisdom of our forebears, the universal truths that bind all people, and the urgent needs of our time, we pledge to uphold these ten principles: 1.     Forge Unbreakable National Unity We affirm that a united nation is an unshakeable force for progress and prosperity. We commit to placing the well-being of our country above partisan interests, understanding that our strength lies in our ability to work together despite our differences. We recognize that while we may disagree on methods, we share the common goal of a thriving America. 2.     Celebrate the Symphony of Diverse Thought We honor the rich tapestry of ideas and perspectives that make up our great nation. We pledge to listen to and respect those with whom we disagree, recognizing that diversity of thought is not just a hallmark of democracy but a crucial driver of innovation and societal advancement. We commit to creating an environment where all voices can be heard and considered. 3.     Build Bridges Across Divides We commit to actively finding areas of agreement across party lines. We will strive to build bridges of understanding, focusing on our shared hopes for a better America rather than on our points of disagreement. We recognize that compromise is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our commitment to progress and the greater good. 4.     Elevate the Discourse of Democracy We pledge to raise the level of public debate, rejecting divisive rhetoric and personal attacks. We will engage in respectful dialogue, recognizing that civil discourse is essential for a healthy democracy. We commit to disagreeing without being disagreeable, understanding that how we communicate is as important as what we communicate. 5.     Cultivate Empathy as Our Foundation We pledge to make genuine efforts to understand the perspectives, concerns, and experiences of all Americans. We recognize that empathy is the bedrock of true unity in our diverse nation. We commit to stepping out of our own shoes and seeing the world through the eyes of our fellow citizens, even when their views differ from our own. 6.     Unite for Transformative Results We commit to working across party lines to address pressing issues facing our nation. We will prioritize bipartisan solutions and measure our success by problems solved and progress made, not by political points scored. We recognize that effective leadership is not about avoiding compromise but about finding common ground to achieve meaningful results for the American people, while maintaining fiscal responsibility. 7.     Harness Artificial Intelligence Skillfully We acknowledge that AI is a civilization-altering technology with the potential to bring about unprecedented good or harm. Unlike any technology before it, AI has the power to reshape our society, economy, and very way of life. We pledge to support the ethical development and use of AI to bridge divides, foster understanding, and find innovative solutions to our shared challenges, while balancing innovation with necessary security measures. We commit to a united approach in leveraging AI to address seemingly intractable problems and, most crucially, the polarization that divides us and prevents us from seeing ourselves in others. 8.     Champion Truth as Our Guiding Light We commit to honesty and transparency in our words and actions. We understand that we must pursue Truth because it sets us free—free from the suffering caused by illusions and misperceptions of reality. We will strive to base our decisions on factual information and rigorous analysis, rejecting misinformation and distortions that serve to divide us. We pledge to admit our mistakes and correct our course when necessary, recognizing that humility and adaptability are strengths, not weaknesses. 9.     Unleash the Potential of All Americans fear and hate, coupled with the freedom to love. By answering this call, we transform our diversity from a source of division into a wellspring of strength and innovation. The Unity Imperative is our guiding light, showing us that in unity, we find not just survival, but the path to collective thriving. It's the Truth we've always known, yet have failed to fully embrace. The time is now because the challenges of this modern world, and the science-fiction world we are creating for ourselves inherently necessitate a much greater level of unity than humanity is showing right now. Wisdom from Our Past In making this pledge, we draw inspiration from the wisdom found across various traditions and from the words of those who have shaped our nation. We are reminded of John Adams, who warned: " There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader, and concerting measures in opposition to each other. This, in my humble apprehension, is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution ." We recall Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s powerful insight: " We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now ." This sentiment captures the essence of Our Unity Pledge – a recognition that despite our diverse origins and perspectives, our fates are inextricably linked in our interconnected world. The Ongoing Work of Unity We also heed the words of our Founding Fathers, who spoke of "self-evident truths" and the pursuit of a "more perfect union." These concepts remind us that the work of unity is ongoing, requiring constant effort and recommitment. We recognize that for these "United" States to succeed, we must find a careful balance between individual liberty and collective unity, especially as we face the challenges of globalization and rapid technological change. Our Commitment to Action By signing this Unity Pledge, we commit ourselves to these principles not just in word, but in deed. We understand that unity does not mean uniformity , but rather a harmonious integration of our diverse strengths and perspectives towards common goals. We acknowledge that we all want to be happy and for this nation to thrive, but our differences in envisioning a "great" America and how to achieve it means that our focus must be on finding common ground rather than on "winning" or "defeating" the other side. We commit to being leaders who unite rather than divide, who build bridges rather than walls, and who always strive to put the interests of the nation as a whole above narrow partisan concerns. We recognize that a better and stronger America is a more united America, and that mutual hatred is the real enemy, not each other . As one of our Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin, wisely recognized, " We must, indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately ." Accountability and Empowerment We invite the American people to hold us accountable to this pledge. We recognize that our actions, more than our words, will demonstrate our commitment. We understand that by choosing to support leaders who embody these ideals of unity and cooperation, the American people have the power to shape a political culture that truly serves the common good. The Power of Unity: Our Solemn Vow We close with a profound truth, hidden within a well-known warning: There is deep wisdom in the teaching that "a house divided cannot stand." However, embedded in this caution is an even more powerful truth. The converse is true as well: A house united will not fall . It is this unity, this coming together despite our differences, that will ensure our nation not only stands but thrives in the face of any challenge. Together, we can overcome the obstacles that face us. United, we can build a stronger, more prosperous, and more just America for all. This is Our Unity Pledge, our commitment, and our solemn vow to the American people. We will not, and cannot, fail the dream of our Founding Fathers by creating enemies out of our neighbors . For in our unity lies our strength, our resilience, and our path to a brighter future for all. We are America. United We Stand, Together We Thrive! This pledge represents a bold step towards realizing The Unity Imperative . It's a commitment to prioritize national unity, embrace diversity of thought, seek common ground, and harness the power of AI for the greater good. A Call to Collective Action: Forging America's Future If this article resonates deeply with you, if these are truths you already know, please share it widely. For the first time in human history, we have the technologies to help create the world that visionaries like John Lennon could only imagine. By spreading this message, you become part of a movement that could create the brighter future we've always dreamed of. My Fellow Human Beings, there is only One Unity! This profound truth underpins our tentatively named "One Unity Movement." But unity cannot be achieved in isolation. It requires collective action, shared vision, and unwavering commitment from all of us. We need more than just readers—we need visionaries, connectors, and change-makers. We need you. Whether you're a leader with resources, a connector with a vast network, or a passionate citizen ready to make a difference, your contribution is crucial. If you possess the influence, expertise, or resources to turn this vision into reality, I urge you to reach out. Visit https://www.connectwithdrmikebrooks.com/ and fill out the contact form. Share your ideas and vision for a united America. Help us refine and grow The One Unity Movement as we work together to forge a path towards greater unity. Together, we can architect a system that amplifies the voice of every American and ushers in a new age of democratic engagement. We can create the kind of unity that encompasses everyone, transcends tribalism, and meets the challenges of our interconnected world. The time for unity is now ! The power to change our nation's course is in our hands. Let's embark on this extraordinary journey—together. https://www.connectwithdrmikebrooks.com/contact-us United We Stand, Together We Thrive!